1) The Reach: Sam, Gilly and Jorah flee Oldtown while Euron sacks the city. He is looking to raid the Citadel's stores of artifacts to find Dragonbinder, a huge magical horn that in the books, Euron claims to have recovered from the ruins of Valyria and will allow him to bend dragons to his will. In our version, he only discovered its existence and instructions for its use in his exiled voyages, since I think having him uncover a "hellhorn" that is "six feet long, with a black gleam...banded with red gold and Valyrian steel...covered by strange writings and Valyrian glyphs" in the bowels of a treasure trove makes for stronger imagery than grabbing some scrolls from a shelf.
In any case, Sam takes them to Horn Hill, where they have the meeting with his family that occurs in S6 of the real show. Sam steals Heartsbane and scarpers back to the North.
2) Jon and Dany: Jon’s first episode goes much the same, declaring that he will go to treat with the dragon queen and leaving Sansa in charge. He never makes it to Dragonstone, however, as when he makes it to the Northern port town of White Harbor at the end of 7.01, he finds Dany already waiting there, holding court with her dragons in tow. She has been convinced by her Hand that this new King In The North is worth sussing out, and perhaps it comes out that she was sizing him up for marriage from the start, which makes sense as he could arguably bring the North, Vale and Riverlands into her fold in the course of one bedding ceremony. They do their sparring/negotiating/courting there, which goes much the same as in the real version. Dany agrees to let him send men to Dragonstone to mine the dragonglass, while he suggests that on dragonback, he could take her North of the Wall and she could see the army of the dead herself, from a safe distance. She is impressed by his chutzpah, and agrees.
3) War In The South:
Things go much as in the real version, but with some minor adjustments
to make the teleporting navy less egregious.
The plan to send ships to gather troops from Dorne and take Casterly
Rock is the same, and just like in the real version, Euron attacks the fleet at
the end of 7.02. The only difference is
that in this version, Barristan Selmy has been sent with the fleet to
Dorne. We can have some dialogue to establish
that he was placed in charge of the main force of the Dornish spearmen at the Battle
of the Trident by Prince Rhaegar, and is still held in high esteem by some of
their senior commanders, if it seems necessary to justify his leaving Dany’s
side. But also, in this version he was
in Dorne throughout S6 and part of S5, and has struck up a sort of fatherly
rapport with Obarra the Sand Snake (spear).
How Euron manages to defeat a
legendary swordsman like Selmy could be played a few ways – maybe he’s just that
good, maybe the Ironborn is more accustomed to fighting on the unsteady ground
amidships, maybe Selmy took an injury in the fight with Areo back in S6 that cost
him a step. But its extra tragic when he
kills Selmy and this surrogate daughter, since they are more likeable than the
real versions of the Sand Snakes were.
Randyll Tarly is grouchy about being called to King's Landing while the Ironborn hold Oldtown, but is still swayed by Jaime after Euron announces he has already pulled out of the Reach and is preparing a special anti-dragon weapon to help defeat the foreign horde. When Grey Worm’s force is sandbagged at Casterly Rock by the Iron Fleet, it doesn’t require Euron to teleport across the world in the middle of a single episode. Victarion can be leading the other half of the Iron Fleet in that attack, since we have established him as Euron’s chief lieutenant.
4) Winterfell: Despite how many people seem to vehemently believe that Littlefinger’s plot to drive a wedge between the Stark siblings is total nonsense that is far beneath his standard level of scheming, I don’t think we need much in the way of altered material to make it work. As I opined in my recaps at the time, the problem was mainly that the threat that the Stark kids would promptly destroy each other after all the years the show spent getting them back together seemed toothless, for entirely metatextual reasons. On paper, his scheme makes total sense, as it is basically running the same play he did to alienate their mother from her sister Lysa, and he is a pimp after all. Separating young, damaged young women from their families to make them entirely dependent upon him is the basis of his entire profession.
Moreover,
the Stark siblings were not particularly close in the first season, and have been
through many years of very divergent, very strange, very traumatic journeys
since then. All we need to make it work
better is one scene of the kids all arguing to actually articulate that. Basically, Arya and Bran are like yo, this
Littlefinger dude is a real creep, you should drop him asap. And Sansa is like yeah, I know he’s a creep
but he’s a creep that got me out of the Lannister’s clutches and is the only
reason we were able to reclaim the North. And Arya’s like, it looks like things haven’t changed much since the engagement to Joffrey; Sansa still wants to play lady of the manor, no matter
how big a shithead she has to shack up with to climb the ladder. Sansa says fuck off, you don’t know what I
endured since father died. I know the
two of us survived without cozying up to the slimeballs that helped the
Lannisters kill him, Arya counters. That's because you didn't need to, Sansa retorts. We all
had it rough, but at least you two were free, and you had dire wolves, and Hodor, and Night's Watchmen, and sorcerers and shapeshifting assassins helping you out. I was alone, in the lion’s den, and the only
thing I had to help was (blech) him. How dare you judge me, she spits, and storms off.
Things ultimately still play out like in the real version, but
at least the tensions between the siblings are better explained, and it invokes
the history of the series much more directly in articulating it. Also, because we have established more
concrete limits on Bran’s ability to see all and know all on a whim, it removes
the overhanging question of why he can’t resolve any sort of misunderstanding
in 3 seconds flat. Maybe it takes him 15
minutes to roll to the godswood and check the tapes, but that at least explains
why he doesn’t clear everything up immediately, in that (or any) exact moment.
5) Eastwatch/North Of The Wall: Jon and Dany fly to Eastwatch on the back of her dragons (that they accept him as a rider earlier on just helps her fall for him faster) at the end of 7.03. There, they find several key players gathered: Gendry the bastard smith, who came to the Wall to avoid being murdered by the Lannisters, or Melisandre, who has also come there to catch a ship to Essos after being exiled by Jon in 7.01, as well as Berric/Thoros/the Hound. The Brotherhood fills Jon in on Bran’s survival and that he was heading to Winterfell with Theon and a small entourage when they struck out for the coastal castle to catch a ship, which when it docks also happens to have Sam and Jorah on it. After some prophetic urging from Melisandre that these two are the Lord Of Light’s chosen and so on, Dany is (perhaps too easily, given the whole messianic complex that has been building for years) convinced that the army of the dead is real, and they hatch much the same plan to capture a wight to demonstrate the same to Cersei.
But given everything we have set up, there is a lot less rampant
stupidity involved with this plan. One, Sandor is able to say I know exactly where there is a
wight that should still just be lying in a crevasse with a broken leg, not expiring
of natural causes, that we could collect. Two, Berric can explain
that Bran’s visions showed them the Night King preparing anti-air weaponry,
which when asked if they were to knock his warg-raven eyes out of the sky, Bran would only say “no”. So they have some reason
for Dany to be cautious and hang back with the dragons, even
before word reaches her of the loss of the Tyrells/Highgarden. 7.05 picks up with the expedition beyond the Wall, and Dany
presumably still in the South after attacking the loot train, and the episode
ends with the men grabbing the zombie but realizing the entire army of the dead
is right on their ass. 7.06 starts with
them scrambling onto the lake, but still ends with Dany coming to the rescue
and losing a dragon. You can skip the
repetitive beat of Jon needing to be saved by the miraculous intervention of
Benjen after everyone else has already been saved by the miraculous
intervention of Dany. Have him fall in
the ice before she gets there; it’s actually more dramatic if Viserion gets
knocked out of the sky because Dany refused to pull back until he had been saved.
6) Theon: Theon
hasn’t seen his sister since she attempted to rescue him from Ramsay in S4, but
I don’t think that lessens his guilt or desire to free her from his uncles’
clutches. In the real version of the show,
he has a rather contrived confrontation with a nameless Ironborn warrior on Dragonstone to get
some of his mojo back, followed by an utterly perfunctory rescue of Yara early
in S8. In this version he steals away from
the big summit in the Dragonpit in the season finale and, with Davos's help, launches a more
involved mission to rescue her from the midst of the anchored Ironborn fleet,
which culminates in both siblings working together to kill her captor, their
uncle Victarion. Who is certainly not a
villain built up on par with Ramsay or even the Mountain, but has at least been
established as a formidable sub-boss.
MAKE ROOM BY:
You don't even have to remove much of anything I haven't mentioned. If anything, I think this version would be shorter than the real one, as all Sam’s Oldtown material, Arya's slaugher of the Freys, Dany's arrival at Dragonstone, and the Brotherhood’s material in the first 4-5 episodes has already been dealt with. Additionally, nearly the entirety of the real episode 7.05, "Eastwatch" has been rendered redundant or otherwise unnecessary.
WHAT DO WE GAIN:
Mainly just removing 75% of the absurd logistics and contrivances that aren’t even really necessary to get to the season's considerable high points. But I don’t know if it can be overstated how big a difference that would make:
- Obviously, the big one is the expedition to capture the zombie is hatched under circumstances where it seems much more feasible in terms of time, risk and resources. And then calling in Dany for air support/evac involves about 80% less instantaneous transcontinental travel, as we have created a situation where she would plausibly be returning to Eastwatch on her own by the time Gendry runs back there.
- Theon’s cowardly lion “find your courage” schtick is a lot more streamlined, with less repetitive back and forth and a much better payoff that also allows Davos to pitch in with something useful.
- This is a relatively minor point, but there is now a reason for why Sam's father didn't just immediately follow him to his stated destination and take Heartsbane back after he stole it.
- Euron is set up as a more formidable adversary with a grander agenda of his own.
- The Stark kids conflict is much more comprehensible, and invokes the differences in their (and ours, by proxy) journeys over the years to justify their differing perspectives and resentments.
WHAT DO WE LOSE:
Honestly, nothing of actual value that I can see. The one extra meeting of Tyrion and Jaime when he sneaks into King's Landing would be the main thing. It could be possible to rework that into the first 1-2 episodes as a failed diplomatic effort by Tyrion while Dany is off in the North, since we did gain an entire episode by moving their only part in 7.01 up to S6.
So let's wrap things up with the final season.
THINGS TO ADD:
1) The Long Night: The first half of the season is still fine as
is, really, which I do take as an indication that none of the rather large
changes I proposed to the prior seasons are actually going too far, or untenable
in any narrative sense. The changes I
would make to the battle have more to do with filmmaking than actual storytelling. As I complained about in
my original review, there is just a huge sense of overdoing it in how the
battle is depicted, that ruins immersion and makes the entire thing feel like a
big cheat. Everything that actually happens
in the battle is fine and dandy, you just need to lay off all the shots that
show, over and over and over again, hero characters being overrun by dozens if
not hundreds of zombies with no help in sight as the scene cuts away, only to cut back
to them later inexplicably unharmed and fighting in a different scenario. You could get away with that once or maybe
twice in a supersized episode like this one, but the episode abuses it so much and so early that it becomes plainly obvious with like an
hour left to go that whatever dire circumstance the screen actually shows us don’t actually matter, because it can and will be erased in the space of a jump cut.
It’s likewise a total cheat that in the aftermath, they just declare that half of all the heroes’ armies survived the battle. We were shown in great detail the human defenders getting whittled down to about a dozen characters who we know well, with absolutely no support or help left anywhere in the field of battle. That could be fudged super easily by just continuing to have a lot more indistinct scrum in the background of the heroes’ fight scenes, throughout the later stages of the battle.
2) Rhaegal: Another great source of consternation was
how briefly and completely oblivious Dany had to become for Euron to be able to
shoot one of her legendary fire-breathing beasts out of the air with a single-shot crossbow, mounted on a rather stationary, highly flammable boat. Dany then takes her remaining giant
murderbeast and flees, leaving her ships to be decimated by these wicked, absurdly effective crossbows. This then, somewhat confusingly, results in Missandei
appearing in chains in King’s Landing in the following scene, although we had
last seen her on a boat with Tyrion and Grey Worm, neither of whom were captured or
killed. At the time, I recall
spitballing that something as simple at having Euron place a flock of sheep on
the rocks outside of Dragonstone (where it has been established they have nolivestock) to lure the dragon into his line of fire would go a long way to
making him seem more clever and the moment less contrived. But with the
elements assembled in our fantasy version, we can do much better than that.
We can start by doing the sheep thing, because sure, why not? Dany is able to restrain Drogon from chasing after them as she is actually riding him, but can’t stop Rhaegal from going for the bait. This brings him down near where the Iron Fleet is lying in wait. Euron has brought the great horn Dragonbinder to the deck of Silence, and Aeron steps up to blow it. The priest and the dragon both rear backward in unison, racked with pain, the dragon breathing fire in the air as Aeron belches smoke from his lungs and the horn shatters. He collapses on the deck, dying as his eyes glaze over similar to the warg effect. Rhaegal’s eyes take on the same cast as Aeron takes control of the beast and Euron orders him to attack. RhaegAeron then attacks Drogon, and while the larger dragon does eventually tear the smaller one apart, Dany is pitched from his back into the sea in the process. This creates a situation where Grey Worm has to turn his ships away from protecting Missandei’s life boat from being captured to go and save khaleesi, putting an even sharper edge on his grief and anger when she is executed.
3) Dany’s Turn:
This is the thing people hate the most, but I actually love it. It’s a truly dark and challenging twist, and
there is no other real curveball that the series could throw at this final hour
that would land with as much of a gutpunch.
However, I do hear the complaints that she does not seem to be motivated
enough for a turn as sharp and extreme as is depicted. I think that perspective underestimates just
how fine the line between revolutionary crusader and vicious war criminal
actually can be, which is entire point of the twist, but it’s still not an unfair criticism. And I think that you can make that same point
while also defining her motivations and increasingly paranoid headspace better. For starters, I think the changes in Euron's attack outlined in
the prior section would go further than you might expect in this regard. Having the inciting incident that put Dany in
such a desperate and furious funk come off as such a naked contrivance makes it
seem like her entire psychotic break is based on bullshit. If the attack is this more elaborate and (despite the increased level of outright sorcery involved) more believable sequence
of events, then it will play as more authentically traumatic. Beyond that, I think that there is room for a
scene before the battle where Tyrion is still trying to push mercy on Dany,
and she notes how ill-served she has been by restraint. When I burned the masters of Astapor, I
gained an Unsullied army. When I showed
mercy to the masters of Meereen, they rose in revolt, murdered my followers and
attacked my dragons. When I destroyed that
revolt, I gained a fleet. When I burned
the khals, I gained the Dothraki. When I
landed at Dragonstone, I had the support of 3 kingdoms, the largest fleet and 3
dragons. Where has caution gotten me since then? Only one dragon left. My own small council
(i.e. Varys) began betraying me the moment Jon Snow’s claim was known. And how many kingdoms do I control, she asks,
walking around the big map table. How many can I count on?
a.
The Crownlands. The smallest region in the kingdoms. Once I
hold the capital, they will not dare rise up with my armies and dragon so near.
Wonderful.
b.
The North/Vale. Sansa Stark is an enemy in waiting. She has no intention of
surrendering the North to Targaryen rule once more, she has told me as much, and the Vale lords have
stood with the Starks through the Long Night, the Battle Of The Bastards, and
oh yes, the rebellion that overthrew my father.
c.
The Riverlands. They are in chaos, with the Freys wiped out. But the Tullys supported the Starks in both Robert’s
Rebellion and the War Of Five Kings. I
have no friends there.
d.
The Iron Islands. Yara Greyjoy has retaken Pyke in my name, but
she could do it with a handful of ships, because Euron has all their strength
massed here to oppose me. And I
foolishly promised her they could remain independent. There is no chance of the North or Vale agreeing to bend the knee until or unless I revoke that grant.
e.
The Westerlands. I can destroy the Lannister army in the capital,
but what of the rest of their bannermen?
If it comes to another war, will they obey you as the new lord
of Casterly Rock, or are they more like to throw in with any challenger my new
rule?
f.
The Reach. I held the allegiance of Olenna Tyrell, but
the Tyrells are gone. Gone too are the
Tarlys, since I burned them as my ancestor once burned the Gardener kings on
the Field Of Fire. Perhaps fear of my dragon is strong
enough to overcome the resentment that the rulers of the Reach have always been the first to burn in a Targaryen conquest. Perhaps.
g.
Dorne.
The new prince of Dorne claims to support my cause, and not to believe
the rumors that I had his uncle murdered.
But he has not hurried to provide me with troops. The Martells stayed loyal to the Targaryens
throughout Robert’s Rebellion, but what happens when another Targaryen presents
himself, with a superior claim?
h. The Stormlands. I raised up Robert Baratheon’s bastard, but will his gratitude be enough if I require his first act as lord to be going to war against his friends the Starks? Whose father fought with theirs to overthrow mine?
This creates a much more articulated grounding for the cold-blooded political calculus undergirding the hot-blooded decision to make King’s Landing into a total overkill/shock and awe statement. I’d also alter the exact moment of her turn to the Dark Side such that when she makes the decision to go kill-crazy, she is not staring at the Red Keep, but looking down in the street to see enemy soldiers surrendering directly to Jon Snow, and his men chanting King In The North.
4) Bronn: I’m honestly at a loss with Bronn. This is where my stated goal of not overturning any major character resolutions gets tested the hardest, because making him Master of Coin and Lord Paramount of the Reach is just absolute nonsense. Even considering that the Reach is utterly without high lords, as in my telling the Tyrells of Highgarden and Tarlys of Horn Hill are probably joined in extinction when Euron wipes out the Hightowers of Oldtown, he still has absolutely no connection to that place and his greatest act of service to the incoming regime is not trying to murder Tyrion. Which is nice, I guess, but hardly worth handing him a kingdom. He should probably be killed off in the Rose Road attack, really, but I always also harbored a cutesy idea that after angling for a lordship and castle for so long, he should end up engaged to marry Lyanna Mormont when she comes of age, the one lady in all the kingdoms that will absolutely keep his balls in a jar on her mantle.
At the very, very least, throw in that the remaining Dothraki have also been given lands in the Reach to be their new home, and that is going to be a major fucking hassle for a neophyte lord like Bronn to handle.
5) Denoument: Okay, this is the other area where I am tested on my not overturning any resolutions thing, because King Bran is imo an awful and truly bizarre way to end things. I will start off with my final fanfic scene, for the great debate in the Dragonpit, which could still lead into exactly the ending we get, or an altered outcome that actually doesn’t overturn as much of the ending paradigm as it sounds.
First, the debate. Tyrion is brought out and is mostly silent while the other lords make their pitches for why they should be the new king. The new prince of Dorne says what the kingdoms need most is gold, to launch a reconstruction effort in the midst of winter. Dorne’s coffers are the only ones still undepleted, from having sat out all the wars proper since the series began. Yohn Royce says bollocks to that, it was the allied armies of the North and Vale that saved the lives of all you southron sloths fighting the Great War, and they remain battle-tested. He’ll try their cold steel against your soft gold any day. Edmure pipes in, making some unconvincing claims that during his long, hellish captivity, it was the power of faith that carried him through. The kingdoms have also been through years of hardship, and that power of faith is what will be required to knit them back together. He claims to be a pious man, and also by the way has taken the liberty of consulting with the High Septon, who has agreed to support his claim for the Iron Throne. If, um, that is, the other lords aren’t too opposed. The other lords just roll their eyes. Tyrion pipes up and says that power is a trick, “a shadow on the wall”, as this debate has jogged his memory of Varys’s parable. He then gets into his spiel about the power of a good story, how that is the thing that unites a country behind a common ideal. In the real version, he of course goes on to claim that Bran has the best story for people to rally around.
But that is baldly
false, so if I can allow myself this final diversion, he makes the proper assessment and says instead that
the person with the best story is Sansa.
The other lords grudgingly assent, but Sansa herself is uninterested in living or ruling in the South at this point. She says I'll take the title but will remain in the North, and the actual administration of the kingdoms will fall to my brother Brandon, as the new Hand, and the rest of the Small Council, on which each kingdom will forever be guaranteed a seat going forward. So you do get an evolution toward a more parliamentary system with a more detached, figurehead monarch, the Hand as more of the actual executive/prime minister, and some level of guaranteed representation in the cabinet. But it is also borne from a sort of cynical, exhausted place rather than actual political idealism or progressive spirit, which better fits the vibe of the series.
WHAT DO WE GAIN:
- The Battle of Winterfell is less plagued by nonsense and visual contradictions.
- A bigger, better action scene when Rhaegal is killed, and a more developed, satisfying payoff for Euron’s schemes over the years.
- Dany’s big heel turn is more motivated, in both a psychological and political sense. And the fanfic map table scene really underlines and ties together how every step of her arc, and all the various political machinations and wars of the entire 7 seasons, have contributed to placing her in exactly this position, this close to achieving her ultimate goal while also this close to seeing it all pulled right out from under her.
- The Dragonpit scene and acclamation of King Bran is a bit less absurd, and the final resolution of the ultimate political question the series has been circling all along is tied back to one of its greatest political theorists, Varys, whose voice echoing at a crucial moment from beyond the grave is a nice grace note for a character that went out in a very harsh manner.
- An additional, explicit affirmation of just what a badass Sansa is to have even survived all the shit that’s been thrown at her.
- Finally, I think having Bran as more of a developed and actively participating character these last few seasons makes him also a more human and relatable one, and lessens the strange feeling that this show which made its bones by being so much more realistic about its politics than your standard fantasy fare wraps it all up by making an all-seeing, all-knowing wizard alien the king of everything…and it’s played as a happy ending?
- Some of the bigger twists lose some shock value, since the dragonbinder horn is a Chekov’s gun that has been on the shelf for a full season, and Dany’s turn being more thoroughly roadmapped and less abrupt.
- Bronn gets a less happy ending, if you take any of the alternative routes I spitballed, even though they break the one basic rule of this whole thing.
- Nothing else really jumps to mind.
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