After two surprisingly bloodless weeks, “No One” gets back
to fatal business. Both Clegane brothers
get their slaughter on after a considerable homicide hiatus, Arya murders her way
out of a murderers’ club, and full blown war has broken out in Mereen. But the most significant death is
the Blackfish, who goes down with the Riverrun ship. Presumably, anyway, since the death happens
offscreen, and the recent spat of character resurrections compels me to
ponder how he could have slipped away again.
I can’t think of any reason why he would lie to Brienne and Pod only to
take an alternate escape route, much less what reason a Lannister lieutenant
would have to help cover it up. But such
is the lay of the land in season 6, so I’ll just say that it’s going to be real dumb if the
Blackfish turns out to have survived again.
"Wait, I'm still in the next book? That can't be right."
But let’s not dwell on hypothetical negatives, when there
are ample positives in the Riverrun storyline. The Bronn/Pod reunion was a nice moment of
levity in an otherwise depressing storyline, and the old cutthroat’s evident
delight at seeing the boy again made for another in the series of happy reunions this
season has provided, from Jon and Sansa to Dany and Jorah to the surprisingly
affable meeting of the Hound and Brotherhood, to the episode’s main
attraction of Brienne and Jaime. Jaime
claims to only care about Cersei, but his actions give lie to that sentiment
when he deals with The Beauty. What I
like about this relationship is that the show has given us no shortage of examples of
pious heroes having their lofty morals challenged by more ambiguous antiheroes,
be it Dany or Brienne or literally any of the Starks. Jaime himself functioned in this manner for
several characters in the past, but his dynamic with Brienne has changed, to
the point where it’s her unwavering honor that challenges his cynicism.
And it does have an effect.
Jaime tells her he’s proud of her service to his house’s enemies,
refuses to take back the sword he gifted her, and honors his agreement to let
the Tully soldiers live even after she #Briennefail-s to convince the Blackfish
to give up the castle and/or come North to help out at Winterfell. But the Kingslayer hasn’t gone completely soft, as he is
still able to threaten Edmure into betraying the castle. Which should come as no surprise to anyone
given that he is played by UK’s foremost gormless actor, Tobias Menzies. He’s sort of the British Paul Dano, parlaying his inverted jawline into a notable career playing men whose awareness
of their own weaknesses does not allow them to overcome that weakness (only
with a more aristocratic bent, because British). It is obvious that he’s not going to somehow
get the better of Jaime in this exchange, but you still want to slap him around
a bit for falling for the line he does.
Yes, threatening to kill a baby is horrible, but Edmure has no reason to
believe that such a child even exists, much less that it is his own, much less
that life as a hostage at Casterly Rock with a family he doesn’t know (except
that his family was slaughtered by his bride’s on their wedding night) will be
much of an upgrade from life as a prisoner of war, much less that the people
that murdered his family would keep their word once he’s surrendered the only
chip he still holds, all the rest notwithstanding.
Not pictured: guile, severity, chin
But really, Jaime’s essentially bloodless victory is just
about the best result that could be hoped for from this situation. But even that is apt to turn to ash in his mouth, as
Cersei is set to (stop me if you’ve heard this one) do something rash. After having the Frankenmountain awesomely decapitate
a Faith flunky, she finds out that trial by combat has been abolished. Which is an important step towards the
development of a legal system that isn’t stupider than flambeed shit, but puts the queen
regent in a tight spot. And given her
history of drastic action when cornered, the lack of an angel on her shoulder
to talk her down, Qyburn’s ominous whispers about confirming "rumors", Jaime’s comments
about her willingness to “burn cities to ash”, and Bran’s visions showing
caches of wildfire blowing up, one can surmise that the season
finale is likely to feature the great sept going up in green flame. Probably with Tommen and the Sparrow in it,
but perhaps also with some Tyrells, and also probably also taking a big chunk
of the city with it. And I can’t believe
I’m saying it, but I really hope the Frankenmountain doesn’t go with them,
because I still want “Who Smushed It Better” to become a recurring segment in
this space.
We're not going to be sticklers about the definition
of "smushed" here. This counts and then some.
This week the Mountain again triumphs in the head-abuse
stakes, with his manual removal of the idiot’s head while Lancel looks on in
horror, and Qyburn with wide eyes and a tent in his robes. This beats out his brother, who beheads one
brigand and splits another’s skull, but requires an axe to do the job. He does heckle the one guy’s choice of final
curses, though, in the most in-character moment imaginable. Then he sits
down with the long-lost Thoros and Berric to hear the good (I guess?) news about the Lord
Of Light. It’s strange how those guys are just
about as devout as the Faith Militant, and to a god that seems actively
sinister in his demands (as opposed to the Seven, who have given no indication of even being "real" like the LoL or Drowned God), and yet I like them while I despise the sparrows. Part of that is that their ministry seems more focused on actually going out and doing shit in the world than scolding people. But it's also just that the
actors have an appealing world-weariness to them that
helps to ground the increasingly fantastical nature of the show. I still think that the Hound was one
resurrection too many, and Thoros just opens the door for more, but at least
the conversation won’t be dull.
Speaking of interesting conversation, Tyrion finally draws
an amusing exchange out of Missandei and Grey Worm, coaxing them into drinking and
even (gasp) telling jokes. Then the
masters' fleet shows up for the world’s shortest siege. Hopefully Drogon burning
the slaver fleet means the end of them as a purported threat, since the dragons
are such an X factor that it’s impossible to take them seriously as such. The sooner Dany gets on her way to Westeros,
the better, especially now that Varys and Jorah are both out of the mix. Unfortunately, there’s still got to be some
payoff or complication to come from Tyrion’s deal with the red priestesses, and
Yara and Theon haven’t arrived yet, so I don’t see her taking off until next
year.
For she is the Mother Of Dragons, Breaker
of Chains, and Trier of Patience
But there is finally forward momentum in Arya’s storyline, as her time in Braavos appears to be done,
following a rather absurd parkour chase that simply longs for Yakkety Sax to be
placed under it. The sequence is shot
very well (I particularly like the bit of the waif sprinting off a nearby roof
when it seems Arya may have lost her), it’s just ridiculous that she is doing
these things when she should be in intensive care. At one point, Arya actually slides on her
stomach under a cart, and pops up with no indication that she has multiple
large, fresh stab wounds on said stomach.
But she does eventually lead her back to her hideout, where Needle and the
darkness put the Waif at a disadvantage.
And then Arya cuts off her freaking face and brings it back to the
House, which is some hardcore shit. Then
she gets the drop on Jaqen, but simply says her name and walks away, which is a
remarkably mild turn after having just cut the freaking face off the Waif and slapped it on the wall. Jaqen himself
seems oddly proud of her rejection, but his beliefs are such that I’m not sure
that will stop him from appearing out of nowhere to stab her just after she crosses
off the last name on her list. But
that’s for the very end of the show, once she's taken care of some Freys. For
now, and wonky execution aside, it’s enough that at least she and Varys are heading back to Westeros, where the real wars will be
fought. Starting next week, with, gods
be good, the end of Ramsay’s reign of terror.
Subplot Report Card:
Riverrunnin’: A
(Edmure’s capitulation is frustrating, but the character stuff is on point)
King’s Landin’: A (The
Mountain pulled that head off with ONE HAND.
Come on.)
Houndin’: A- (I guess the elaborate kissing prank around the campfire serves
as a bit of world-building, but it also feels, with the end coming into sight,
like a waste of increasingly scant screentime.)
Adios Braavos: B (Speaking
of squandering screentime, we haven’t had a single scene in weeks to give us an
update on the situation in Dorne, or Rickon’s experience in captivity, or Sansa
interact with the witch that brought her brother back to life, but in the
meantime I have seen 3 separate performances of Lady Crane’s play.)
Mereen: B+ (nitpick:
after the siege is underway, why has Grey Worm still not put on his armor and
armed himself with more than a knife?)
Season Morgulis:
Doran Martell, Trystane Martell, Areo Hotah, Roose Bolton, Walda Bolton,
Balon Greyjoy, (-Jon Snow), Shaggydog, Bowen Marsh, Othell Yarwyck, Alister
Thorne, Olly, Osha, Khal Moro, Euron Greyjoy (-Euron Greyjoy), Summer, Leaf The
Child Of The Forest, The Wargist Formerly Known As The Three Eyed Raven, HODOR,
Septon Swearengen, Brynden “Blackfish” Tully, Lady Crane, the Waif
Death Watch: Why
didn’t I just take the easy way out and pick the Waif? Or the Blackfish, since I was predicting he
would come up short in that storyline anyway?
I still feel like Grey Worm or Missandei will die before Dany leaves
Mereen, but I don’t know when that will happen now. I feel like the focus has to go to the North
next episode, for the big episode 9 battle, so I’m going to say Davos, because
Wun Wun feels like cheating. I’m also
marking Walder Frey, Tommen, and Lancel Lannister for death by the finale,
though I wouldn’t be surprised if none of them appear next week.
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